An essay about how proud i'm to be a citizen of the United Arab Emirates

[خفآيآ الروح]

ES' SALAM 3LIKOM

YOUR ESSAY IS SO NICE
BUT I THINK THAT YOU MISSED TO THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF IT
YOUR START WAS RIGHT . BECAUSE IT IS A GENERAL INFORMATION ABOUT THE ESSAY
I THINK AFTER "responsible leaders" YOU SHOULD PUT FULL STOP TO START THE 2 SENTENCE
IN THE INTRODUCTION YOU SHOULD WRITE 3 SENTENCES . AND IN THE THIRD SENTENCE YOU HAVE TO START WITH " I'm going to write an essay about .... "
AND IN THE CONCLUSION YOU SHOULD START WITH FOR EXAMPLE " to sum up , OR all in all .... " AND THAN YOU CAN WRITE IT
i don't know .. that's what the MISS told us


thanks
^^

[حمد محمد الحمادي]

تعديل بالانجليزي الموضوع

[رائـدة فضـاء]

ES' SALAM 3LIKOM

YOUR ESSAY IS SO NICE
BUT I THINK THAT YOU MISSED TO THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF IT
YOUR START WAS RIGHT . BECAUSE IT IS A GENERAL INFORMATION ABOUT THE ESSAY
I THINK AFTER "responsible leaders" YOU SHOULD PUT FULL STOP TO START THE 2 SENTENCE
IN THE INTRODUCTION YOU SHOULD WRITE 3 SENTENCES . AND IN THE THIRD SENTENCE YOU HAVE TO START WITH " I'm going to write an essay about .... "
AND IN THE CONCLUSION YOU SHOULD START WITH FOR EXAMPLE " to sum up , OR all in all .... " AND THAN YOU CAN WRITE IT
i don't know .. that's what the MISS told us


thanks
^^

Well thank you for the tips, my teacher told me I was suppose to write it the way I did and I got a full mark in the exam so I thought it would be a great help for others and either way thank you again for those tips.
And about the full stop I can't put it after "responsible leaders" because of but. I don't know which teacher is right because yours says I should've put a full stop but mine says you can't put a full stop before but.